Help Me Lower My Standards As A Mom

Ever feel like you’re falling short as a mom? Having high standards as a mom, especially at all times, can be a real problem. But the real answer? Lowering your standards.

In a world where moms are constantly bombarded with images of perfection, that’s an easy hole to find yourself in. But at the end of the day, holding ourselves to high standards that we didn’t even choose for ourselves does more than create unnecessary stress. It can also rob us of the joy of being present with our kids.

Perfectionism has been correlated with mental health difficulties for women in the perinatal period (from the start of pregnancy through the child’s first year).

Lowering your standards doesn’t mean caring less; it means choosing where to focus your energy so you can feel grounded, present, and actually enjoy our day to day.

When we accept reality and let go of perfectionism, we open ourselves up to a more peaceful, connected way of experiencing motherhood.

Help Me Lower My Standards As A Mom

Why lowering your standards is important

It doesn’t matter what kind of mom you are - single moms, working moms, both or neither- if you’re a mom, my guess is you could benefit from having lower standards in a few areas of your life.

I recently came back from a weekend away at a women-in-business conference. I had a great epiphany: Zero mom guilt for choosing to do something for myself and my business that took me away from my family.

Another epiphany followed close behind: Yes, I was missing my kids and my husband because they’re my favorite people. Not because they need me to get through a weekend.

Then the bad news — immediately after getting home, I got sick. So I missed 3.5 days away, then another 3.5 days to being laid out with a cold! Ugh. I felt so gipped. So here I was, home, with my family, but not up to my usual energy, engagement, or effectiveness.

So I coached myself to employ Good-Enough-ism.

Instead of going to the store on Sunday morning with a well thought out meal plan and grocery list and selecting the best looking apples, I placed a “whatever” order from Instacart.

Instead of making my kids a nutritious after-school snack and reading to them at the kitchen table, I let them go ahead and serve themselves whatever they wanted (popsicles and pretzels), then they joined me on the couch and we put on an audio book.

When I realized instead of finding my 7 year old’s antics endearing I found them annoying, I knew it was a “me thing” and went to bed early. (Like, 7 pm early.)

I’d rather pull a good-enough option when I need to and allow myself to recoup than burn myself out further by trying to live up to a standard that I’m just not up for at the time.

When you might want to lower your standards

There are seasons in life when maintaining high standards just isn’t feasible, or healthy.

Whether you’re overwhelmed with work, managing a new baby, caring for a sick family member, or sick yourself, sometimes the smartest thing you can do is lower the bar.

You might notice that the more you try to control everything, the more anxious or frustrated you become. This is your signal that it’s time to adjust your expectations. If you’re always tired, stressed, or feeling guilty, it’s a strong indicator that something needs to change, and lowering your standards might be the key to feeling more at ease.

How to identify that high standards are hurting you

When high standards start to hurt instead of help, you might notice signs like irritability, fatigue, or constantly feeling behind despite your best efforts to avoid those things.

Are you spending more time cleaning and putting things in order than connecting with your kids?

Do you feel like you can’t take a break until everything is “just right”?

These are red flags that perfectionism has taken over. The real issue isn’t the laundry pile or the dishes in the sink. it’s the emotional toll it’s taking on you.

Start by asking yourself: “Is this standard serving me, or is it draining me?” If the answer is the latter, it’s time to let go of those standards and focus on what really matters.



15 ways to lower your standards and make mom-life easier

Here are a few ways to lower your standards and let go of those expectations.

• Let go of perfect meals — frozen pizza or takeout is just fine. Spend less time on food prep for family dinners.
• Skip folding laundry this week (or forever?) — throw it in drawers or baskets and call it done.
• Embrace “good enough” cleaning — wipe surfaces when needed, save a deeper clean for when you have more time and energy. A perfectly clean house isn’t always needed.
• Say yes to screen time without guilt — it’s okay to need a break.
• Delegate chores to your kids, partner, or other family members even if they don’t do it your way. Cut the to-do list.
• Buy pre-cut or frozen veggies when grocery shopping to save time on meal prep.
• Accept that messes are part of life with kids — your home doesn’t need to be spotless.
• Use paper plates at dinner time on busy nights to avoid dish duty.
• Allow your kids to dress themselves, even if the outfits are mismatched.
• Simplify your morning routine — skipping makeup or going with a messy bun is perfectly okay.
• Outsource when you can — whether it’s hiring a cleaner or using a grocery delivery service.
• Let go of the idea that you have to attend every school event or volunteer for every activity. Keep play dates simple.
• Remember that “rest is productive” — sometimes, doing nothing is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. Reminder: speak kind words to yourself throughout this process.
• Put your phone away — seeing the curated photos and videos of friends or strangers or celebrities is a different kind of animal and is NOT helping you feel better.
• Prioritize connection over perfection — choose to play with your kids and have a good chuckle on a Saturday morning instead of tidying up.

Lowering your standards is about creating more space for joy, peace, and connection. It’s a way to be kinder to yourself and to embrace the reality of motherhood with grace and flexibility. When you let go of perfection, you make room for what truly matters.

What lowering your standards does NOT look like

Lowering your standards isn’t about letting everything fall apart or giving up on things that truly matter. It’s not about ignoring the basics to the point of chaos.

There’s a difference between “lowering your standards” and giving up out of exhaustion or frustration. By the time you rise back to the surface you’re liable to feel even more overwhelmed and out of control. The goal is to be intentional about where to let go, not to let things slip into a state that adds more stress.

When done with purpose or balance, lowering your standards will not lead to more guilt, resentment, or a sense of failure. Instead, you’ll feel like a wise, self-compassionate woman who knows what season she’s in.

5 ways attempting to lower your standards can backfire

• Ignoring self-care completely: Letting go of all self-care because it feels like too much will leave you feeling under-nourished, in all the ways. So when time and energy are scarce, make sure you’re still taking care of yourself in terms of sleep, nutrition, some fresh air, and whatever else you know helps you feel ok.
• Giving up on all structure: Letting routines fall apart completely can leave you feeling more scattered and stressed. Remember that structures like morning routines and bedtime routines and baths on Wednesdays and Sundays keep your family running.
• Bringing a Type-A approach to lowering your standards: For example, if you choose to make “breakfast for dinner,” but you’re making pancakes, bacon, and fruit salad, you did not lower your standards. Here, we’re talking cereal, people.
• Letting things go for too long without getting help: Skipping laundry or dishes for days can lead to a bigger, more overwhelming pile-up later.
• Expecting yourself to do things halfway: It may be more possible for you to say “yes” to fewer things, and do those to your typical high standard, rather than lower your standards across the too-many things you’ve said yes to.

Lowering your standards and your own expectations is about finding balance and being kind to yourself—not letting everything spiral to the point where you’re even more stressed. The key is to let go with purpose and intention, not to let go entirely.

Mom-Win: Lowering your standards as a mom

Identify one area in your mom-life that you can lower your standards and your high expectations to find more happiness, peace, and ease. You’re a good person who may need to reevaluate the tasks in your life that aren’t deal breakers. Moving at a slower pace doesn’t make you any less of a great mom.

Refer to the lists above if that’s helpful.

And remember, this post applies to single mothers, a working mom, and any other moms out there. Send this post to them as a great reminder to take care of themselves. Setting realistic expectations will make you and your mom friends a more fulfilled, happier mama.

What area is stressing you out? Can you make that area easier, OR can you make other areas easier to give you more capacity over here?

Do you see yourself in this post, all about lowering your standards as a mom?

If you liked this post, it might be time for you to read:

Tired of Struggling in Motherhood? Here's How to Deal

Dear Mom: Here's A Simple Way To *Actually* Unwind

Make Mom Life Easier By Knowing This About Yourself



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