Make Mom Life Easier By Knowing This About Yourself

This post is all about how you can make your mom life easier.

Make Mom Life Easier

If I'd known this sooner, I could've bypassed a lot of struggle

When I look around at the women walking alongside me on this motherhood journey, one thing stands out as a quality that really sets some of us up for success, and some of us up for struggle.

And success, in my book, isn’t measured by report cards on the refrigerator or nods of approval for good behavior at the grocery store checkout. Success doesn't look like having easy, young kids and all the privileges in the world. The success I’m talking about is a feeling.

Let's first look at the pattern I've observed in women who struggle in motherhood

Many of these women gave their matrescence over to messages about “attachment parenting,” “the fourth trimester,” “breast is best,” and “baby-led weaning.”

You’ll find a best seller or two by Janet Lansbury on their bedside tables. And so, they are highly alert to their baby’s needs, highly attentive, and highly responsive.

They believe that their baby’s greatest need is the mother’s time and attention. They are susceptible to “mom-guilt” whenever they prioritize their own needs (a little bit of sleep, space, identity).

In this paradigm, the baby is in charge. (This was my experience of early motherhood.)

No wonder I struggled a whole lot. And I'm not alone in this camp.

Here's what some of my mom-coaching clients have said over the years that depict the negative effects this baby-led parenting has on mothers

• “When I do get any time to myself, I don’t even know what to do with it.” —D, mom of two



• “I know I need to get away, I want to get away, but at the same time I can’t stand to be away. It’s like my baby and I have become TOO attached.” — S, mom of two

• “I’m so high strung from being attentive to her needs I don’t know how to let my guard down. And I believe if I do let my guard down, like leaving her with her dad, she won’t be safe, because he’s not as attentive as I am, so what was supposed to be a break isn’t restful at all.” — K, mom of one

Women who don't struggle so much in motherhood have a different paradigm

This is a game changer. It’s not a “mom tip” or one of the “best mom hacks”, but rather a way of thinking differently. Instead…

They know what they need and want, and they’re unapologetic about it. They set their lives up in ways that get their needs met. They design their homes and routines and careers and childcare and family life in supportive ways. They don’t traffic in mom guilt, because they don’t see anything to feel guilty about.

In this paradigm, the mom is in charge.

(Don't get me wrong: Life isn't all peaches and cream for moms in this group. They still have sleepless nights and canceled plans and worries about child development. But at the end of the day, they don't define their experience of motherhood as one of struggle. Instead, there’s a bit more peace of mind.)

Here are some observations I've made about moms in this camp

• J’s two kids attend elementary school + morning care + after care. She’s thankful for the set-up. She sometimes wishes she and her kids had more precious time together, but only because she likes spending time with them. But she loves her demanding career with long hours and she doesn’t question that this is the right set-up for her family.\

• Another J is an early riser who spends almost all day every Saturday working while her husband or a babysitter spends time with her two kids. She adores quality time with her family members, but she also gets fulfillment from her creative and entrepreneurial pursuits. And she knows a long stretch of uninterrupted time is what she needs to make progress on her projects and her to-do list.

• L is a single parent who solo-parents her two kids, who are in 2nd and 6th grades. She says goodnight to them at 7:30 pm, even though lights-out isn't until 9 or 9:30. After her full day at work and evening feeding and parenting her kids, she uses the last couple hours of her day to relax, work out, and take care of things. She doesn't see her constant undivided attention as a working mom as the thing her kids need at this age to thrive.

The success I'm interested in is feeling at home in your own life

This comes from knowing yourself. Knowing what’s important to you. Getting your needs met.

In mom-life coaching, I meet clients where they are in their daily life. Instead of having a set coaching journey I lead people down, I have my playbook I can pull from.

Some moms know themselves and need help getting their needs met. These women can move fast.

Some moms are so lost in the struggle we need to start with establishing some basics. We ask and answer questions like:

• What does your body need? (e.g. alone time, a helping hand, a delicious meal not made by you? New habits?)
• What does your nervous system need? (e.g. a little help from friends and family? Less screen time? Less stuff cluttering your home?)
• What does your spirit need? (e.g. less time working, more time with family?)
• What does your relationship need? (e.g. a new daily routine? A new family calendar? Time invested in your mental health? An easy way to plan meals?)
• What do you value? (e.g. meal prep, nutritious meals, a morning routine?)
• What feels hardest right now? (e.g. grocery shopping with young kids, attending school events, time management?)
• And is that really the thing we need to address, or is there something else that needs to come first?



I remember one of my earliest clients came to me for help finding her sense of purpose, but once we helped her get more sleep everything felt more doable. It doesn’t have to be hard work, it just has to be intentional. We targeted the important things.

Mom-Win: Ask yourself these 3 simple questions to make a big difference

• How am I doing?
• What do I need?
• Am I ready to reach out to Erika about a mom-life coaching slot? More info HERE. Or apply directly HERE.

Thank you for reading and giving me an opportunity to document my thoughts on the power of knowing yourself and unapologetically getting your needs met. And let me know if I can help.

XOXO

Erika

P.S. Here’s a great way for us to stay in touch - you can follow me on social media at @readysetmoms !

This post was all about how to make your mom life easier. If this meant something to you, you might also like:

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