A Word on "White House Assesses Ways to Persuade Women to Have More Babies"

May 06, 2025

In which I don't hold back.

Ready Set Moms Logo Prepared and Present - white house assesses ways to persuade women to have more babies

The patriarchy wants us to have more babies.

I have thoughts.

The patriarchy is pushing for population growth and larger families—but when American women face limited parental leave, rising child care costs, and shrinking reproductive rights, I’ve got thoughts.

As I’m sure you saw in the New York Times and everywhere:

“White House Assesses Ways to Persuade Women to Have More Children.”

I’m sure the Times knew what they were activating by publishing a story about this brainstorming session.

And I’m sure the White House knew what they were doing by conducting it, and letting the story leak.

If we asked WOMEN, “What prevents you from having children, or more children?”
If we asked MOTHERS, “What support do you need?”
If we asked PARENTS, “What would make our society more family friendly?”

We might have come up with:

Paid family leave to allow for bonding, recovery, and matrescence
Accessible postpartum support, including mental health and pelvic floor health
Laws that protect my life and safety in pregnancy, miscarriage, and childbirth
Affordable housing, to allow my growing family to feel safe and secure
Affordable childcare, to allow me to go back to work, if I want to or need to
Healthcare that respects women’s bodies and concerns, including research that centers women
Affordable healthcare, to keep my family healthy in the best of times and treat us in the worst of times, without making them worse through medical debt
Clean air, clear water, and safe food (MAHA can STFU)
High-performing schools with well-supported teachers
Fucking gun control reform already so I can reliably trust my children will be safe at said school
Affordable higher education that actually is a track to a great career
Equal pay — how are we still talking about this?
Public spaces that welcome women and children
Dropping the whole “Rugged American Individualism” propaganda so we can build that village

But no. Those weren’t the questions they asked. Those weren’t the answers they got.

They didn’t want to listen. They wanted to “persuade.”

The patriarchy is pushing for population growth - a mom with her son

White House Priorities: Persuasion Over Policy for American Families

They came up with:

$5000 “baby bonuses, “ which feels like a distraction compared to the true cost of raising a chid in this country, estimated at $311,000
Medals for women who birth to 6 or more children, which, call me a conspiracist, feels an awful lot like the practice from Nazi Germany in the 1930s
Programs to educate women on their menstrual cycles, which feels fucking insulting, especially in light of rising fertility issues

Here’s the thing:

Elect men with a Christofascist white-supremacist patriarchal agenda
Get Christofascist white-supremacist patriarchal plans

Patriarchy in, patriarchy out

According to my turning-30 female friend: “The conversation they had confirms my leaning NOT to have children.”

As columnist Monica Hesse wrote in the Washington Post in 2021, “For many years I did not have children because, in policies and practices, the United States is hell for mothers.”

And I kinda think this was part of their plan.

I kinda think they’re talking to their people, and their people will heed the call, despite the family-unfriendly reality we live in, because their patriarch has spoken, and the mom is staying home, by design.

And I kinda think they relish in the offense of those of us who lean more socially progressive.

Bait taken. Lib owned.

I’ve gotten criticism (only once, but it stuck) that my approach to coaching puts too much responsibility on individual women. That what we actually need is systemic change that supports women more holistically, wrapping around us, supporting us, lifting us up.

No fucking shit.

So shall we wait for that to happen?

Health Care is a Prerequisite, Not a Perk, for Parenting in America

Or shall we work within our current reality, while doing what we can to shape the future we believe in?

Shall American women navigate the family-unfriendly reality we face—lacking parental leave, affordable housing, and child care—while pushing for policy solutions that support larger families, reproductive rights, and a future where young people can truly thrive?

My calling is to help moms feel less overwhelmed, more capable, and more fulfilled.

Part of that work is being realistic about our circumstances and working with what we have.
Part of that work is bringing women together in workshops and circles, even online, to be the community we crave.
Part of that work is disabusing ourselves of the notion we should be able to handle all this all on our own.

AND

Showing up for each other and supporting each other.
Speaking up and speaking out.
Voting.
Supporting campaigns that align with your values (emilyslist.org)
Running for something (runforsomething.net *supports candidates age 40 and younger).
Resting. Regrouping.

I feel like this administration has been immeasurably more cruel than we feared.

But I dunno — I feel a shift, friends.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The audacity of their cruelty and selfishness will be met by our audacity in believing things can be better. And we’re a part of that. We raise our families. We tend to our own well-being, and each other. We rise up.

Sending you love,
Erika