To All Moms: Here's Why You're Enough Right Now

Moms, You Are Enough

Dear Moms, I know you've heard this before, but you are enough...

Moms are always doing. Planning, preparing, anticipating needs before they're even spoken. We want to get things right. We want to make things special. We would love to be the perfect mom. But what if the magic isn't in all the details? What if it's in simply showing up?

I was reminded of this at the first meetup of Moms Rising, the mothers circle I’m hosting in Bend.

Mother's Circle: Good Company and Togetherness

This marks an expansion in Ready Set Moms. In addition to this newsletter, and the blog, and the online offerings, and the 1:1 coaching that takes place online, I’m showing up more for the mothers and organizations right here in Bend.

So leading into the first meet up, I did what I do; I prepared. I did the little things that contribute to the bigger things. I thought through the timeline, I designed and printed a program, I gave everyone a journal with a Ready Set Moms sticker and postcard about my coaching services. I brought a poem to read. I brought my steel tongue drum for breath work. I made cranberry bread and a charcuterie board. I brought chocolate.

But here’s the thing — no one expected any of that. They seemed to appreciate it. But what they truly desired was the togetherness. A time and place set aside to commune on the topic of motherhood. Hard days, good days, bad days. What it feels like, what it takes, what it takes out of us.

The rest was just extra.

Could it be this simple? Could it be enough to invite people in and hold space for them? After all, this is a mothers circle, not group coaching, not a program or course. We’re gathering to see and be seen. Hear and be heard. To know one another and ourselves.

It got me thinking…

Where else in my life could things be simpler? Where else do I not fully believe that I am enough, just as I am? What else causes me to have sleepless nights? Where else could I allow myself to do less, and prove myself less?

A Practice Developed From My Own Experiences

I developed a practice that you can use to allow for more ease, build confidence bit by bit by proving to ourselves that we are enough, and ultimately create a life — and motherhood — that is more fulfilling because we have more capacity.

This practice is simple, but perhaps not easy, depending on how we’ve been socialized. Coming from a place of self-care…

Step 1) Identify what you want

Step 2) Notice and name the negative emotions that are holding you back (e.g. self-doubt, anxiety about doing something new, or the urge to overcomplicate)

Step 3) Remind yourself you’re enough (yes, really)

Step 4) Do the thing, simply

Step 5) Reflect: How did it feel? What did you learn?

(The foundation for this practice is the Cognitive Triangle, which explains the interplay of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.)

Let’s play it out in different ways:

In Your House

1. Part of you wants to invite your friend over for the first time
2. But another part of you says the house is too messy in this crazy phase of life
3. Remind yourself that YOU are enough. She wants to spend time with you, not marvel at your house-keeping skills
4. Invite her over. Enjoy your time together, simply in each other’s presence. If it makes you feel better, fold laundry while you chat, or wipe down the counters while the tea is brewing. Or simply let it be while your kids play and you relax.
5. Reflect that you liked how you spent this time, especially the hugs hello and goodbye, which you would have missed out on if you stayed concerned about your house being messy. Look forward to doing this again.

In Your Body

1. Part of you wants to go to the pool with your kids
2. But another part is uncomfortable with your tummy or your thighs and feelings of sadness creep in, but…
3. You remind yourself that YOU are enough. This is your body, and you get to take it where you want, and have experiences in it, and use it to play with your kids
4. Pack your pool bag and go. Realize no one gives a shit about your tummy or your thighs, or if they do, let them. PLAY, dive, swim, chat with your friends, read your magazine, check out your kids’ new tricks.
5. Reflect that you not only survived being in public in a swimsuit but also enjoyed yourself, especially hearing your kids laugh. Look forward to doing this again in those old jeans you love or that dress you never wear.

In Your Work

1. You’ve started a new job and are expected to present at a weekly meeting
2. You get nervous before every meeting because you’re afraid the manager will call you out and try to make you look stupid
3. Remind yourself that YOU are enough. You earned this job, you know a lot, but you don’t know everything, which is perfect for this stage.
4. Contribute your perspective, ideas, and thought process. Doing so, you and everyone else will learn something. Reflect that you’re growing not only on the job but in your confidence. When this meeting comes around next week, remember how well it can go when you have faith that you’re enough.

In Parenting

1. Your little boy wants to play Exploding Kittens, again, and you feel like you should want to
2. But that sounds like too much energy right now
3. Remind yourself that YOU are enough. What your child really craves is connection. Little hearts just want to be seen.
4. Maybe you play a more low-key game, or lie there repairing your nervous system while he does something else, or you put on an audiobook while you do one of the many jobs that’s on you and invite him to help you fold the laundry and he DOES and you fold and listen and when it’s done you feel accomplished and connected and you find the extra ounce of energy required to let you play and even enjoy Exploding Kittens.
5. Reflect that you tended to your need for settling down or feeling accomplished, and you met his for connection. That’s so cool. Good work.

SO GOOD.

Here’s my personal insight: when the next Moms Rising circle comes around, I’ll remind myself that the magic isn’t in the perfect details — it’s in the gathering itself. You don’t have to be the perfect mother. Simpler truly is better. Better for me, more than good enough for everyone.

Wouldn’t it be great if I set the example for the women gathering together (including myself) that we can do less, and that our presence is everything?

The time and space are enough. I am enough. So next time, I’ll keep it simple. I’ll show up, hold space, and trust that what we truly need is already there. (Though, let’s be honest — I’ll still bring chocolate.)

Mom-Win: What Part of Motherhood Would You Love to Feel Easier?

Where would this process change things for you? Where are you doubting yourself, avoiding what you want, or making things more complicated than they need to be?

Then apply the 5-step process:

Step 1) Identify what you want

Step 2) Notice and name what's holding you back (e.g. self-doubt, anxiety about doing something new, or the urge to overcomplicate)

Step 3) Remind yourself you’re enough (yes, really) and that there’s no such thing as being the “best mom”

Step 4) Do the thing, simply

Step 5) Reflect: How did it feel? What did you learn?

Maybe you don’t need to be a better mom. Maybe you just need to believe that you are good enough.

P.S. Want to connect on social media? Let’s chat over at @readysetmoms !

This post was all about showing moms that they are enough as they are. If this meant something to you, you might also like:

To the mom who thinks she's not enough

Turning 45 Years Old: My Secrets To A Happy Midlife

Why Being Wrong is OK (Moms Make Mistakes, Too)



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