Five Thieves of Joy To Watch For This Holiday Season

The holiday season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, it can also bring hidden challenges that rob us of true joy.

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” according to Theodore Roosevelt. In my work with mom-life coaching clients, and in my own experience of motherhood, I've identified FIVE thieves of joy: comparison, expectations, overwhelm, overstimulation, and perfectionism. These factors sneak into our experience of motherhood, steal our peace, and prevent the experience of joy.

Whether you're celebrating a year anniversary, navigating job changes, or reflecting on a tough day at work, it's easy to lose sight of the good things around us. The buzz of life — with the pressure to balance career, family members' needs, and the general logistics of being a human and leading a family — often leaves little room for getting our own needs met. And with everything extra that comes with the holidays (high expectations, crowded gatherings, and nonstop obligations), even the most joyful hearts can feel overwhelmed.

But here’s the truth: reclaiming joy isn’t about avoiding challenges. It’s about recognizing the thieves that stand in the way of our own happiness. When we learn about what may come our way, we can recognize and resist the holiday stressors.

In this post, we’ll explore the best ways to regain control of your peace of mind and make space for the experience of joy. Let’s take a closer look at the five thieves of joy and discover how to reclaim the love, peace, and true joy we all long for this holiday season.

The Thieves of Joy

This post is brought to you by Tidings of Comfort and Joy. Let that be our mantra!

One of the things I come back to time and again with Ready Set Moms — on this blog, with coaching clients, and when I coach myself — is “Know yourself, know your kid.” Because “expert advice” is nice, but filtering it through your own situation is how you’ll build a motherhood that truly suits you.

Knowing yourself includes knowing:

• What’s actually important to you, on a deep level
• How you want to show up as a mom
• Your needs as an individual, and getting them met
• Your triggers and drains, and depending on the circumstances, minimizing them, avoiding them, preparing for them, enduring them, and recovering from them
• What you want, especially how you want to feel; and doing the things that are likely to help you feel that way more of the time

Even with all that knowing, we also need to learn how to hold our plans loosely, since so much (including other people) is out of our control.

So when those plans do go sideways, circle back to the top of the list (knowing what’s important to you on a deep level, how you want to show up as a mom…) pivot, and keep going.

With the holidays upon us — whatever this time of year means to you, however you celebrate — let’s be aware of what it takes to make all that magic happen. It feels like a lot because it is a lot! (Great article on the mental load of holiday magic falling on the moms.)

So in the interest of taking care of ourselves and finding fulfillment in the holidays — not just pouring our labor into them — let’s revisit “The Thieves of Joy,” those things that disconnect us from our deeper values and take us out of the moment.

The Thieves of Joy To Watch Out For This Holiday Season

• Comparison: Measuring your holiday against your childhood, your neighbors, or curated Instagram feeds

• Expectations: Sky-high hopes (yours or your kids’) that set the stage for disappointment when reality doesn’t measure up

• Overwhelm: More errands, more tasks, more plans, more arrangements, plus the disruption to routines that are usually supportive, resulting in thoughts racing faster than you can keep up with. It feels like a lot because it’s so much more than usual.

• Overstimulation: Too much of everything — travel, people, noise, stuff — leading to sensory overload

• Perfectionism: The pressure of trying to get the holidays “right” with decorations, presents, hosting, your children’s behavior, other people’s expectations

The Thieves of Joy are natural human tendencies that add stress and take away presence, enjoyment, and connection.

The good news is that we can learn to observe them, and choose another way.

Here’s how I’m approaching the holidays with intentionality so I can appreciate the moments that are important to me, and keep the Thieves of Joy at bay.

Thieves of Joy In My Own Life

Comparison to others

I look at my neighbors’ Christmas lights with joy and admiration. I actually did try this year, but technical difficulties, running over the power pack, busy weekends, norovirus, etc. resulted in our house being one of the darkest on the block.

You know what. It’s ok. Better luck next year. No jealousy about the neighbors’ festive lights. No projecting their judgment onto our lack thereof.

Comparison to years past

When we’re gathered together on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I want to see and love and appreciate each family member. The special reality of who each person is this day, and the unique chemistry of all these people gathered together. Because just as I am different now than I ever have been, so is everyone, and so are our relationships.

I do want to remember and miss my beloved grandmother and great uncle, but I don’t want to dwell on comparing this holiday with any from the past. There’s no joy in that approach. Instead I want to see Grandma in the baccala salad and handmade ravioli. I want to picture Uncle Lou enjoying the chocolate fondue. I want to hold them in my heart, knowing they are spiritually present, and then I want to return my attention to those gathered.

Expectations

If my kids’ are disappointed in their Christmas presents, I hope I can let that pass me by and not take it too personally. I hope I can connect to my values of less stuff and more connection. I hope I can model for them graciousness and gratitude.

Because sometimes gratitude is organic and automatic, and sometimes we need to learn it.

Overwhelm

One of my most predictable sources of overwhelm is travel anxiety. I’m doing really well on that front this year and I credit my tried-and-true packing and prep list*** and exercise or walks leading up to travel days.

We’re also keeping our gift-giving to a minimum — fewer gifts to fewer people. This does not feel bah-humbug. Instead it feels calm. I hope the minimalism gives the recipients spaciousness to enjoy the gifts.

Unsubscribing from holiday traditions that don’t give me joy. I’m not here for white elephant gift exchanges, caroling (giving or receiving), elaborate gift wrap (or any wrapping, really), Elf on the Shelf (sorry kids), or an overstuffed December calendar.

Listen up — Do you love Elf on the Shelf? AMAZING for you.

Does watching your child tear open gift-wrapping fill you with delight? AWESOME for you.

My “no thank you” list is personal — as is yours. Knowing what you don’t want is a powerful step into honoring what you DO want.

Overstimulation

My trusty “self-care kit” is already packed for travel day.

My parents’ 3-bedroom house will be sleeping 12 this year, plus 2 staying nearby. We’ll be wonderfully on top of each other for a week. It will serve me to remember that I need periods of alone time, periods of quiet, the right to follow-through with things so I don’t lose my place and then my mind. And I need exercise. It does so much good in regulating my nervous system. Since our routines will be all over the place, the only way I’ll get exercise is to make it happen. So I will.

Perfectionism

I’ve written a lot about perfectionism on the blog (Type “perfect” into the search bar and 4 articles will pop up for you). I learned from therapist-turned-coach Mollie Birney that where identity goes, perfectionism follows.

Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t identify as a top-notch holiday planner that perfectionism isn’t one of my Thieves of Joy at Christmastime.

Here’s what I AM going to look out for:

• Our travel days do not need to go perfectly. We can adapt to situations as they unfold.
• My children don’t need to behave perfectly — not for strangers, not for my parents or relatives, and not for me. These humans are growing up beautifully, and all challenges present growth opportunities.
• Everyone doesn’t need to get along beautifully all the time. Not every moment needs to be Rockwellian carols sung by the fire.
• Our celebrations don’t need to look picture perfect. None of it’s going up on Instagram. What I value is connection, not presentation.

Mom-Win: Holiday Mindset Work - So you can experience the joy of the season too

Open your journal or your notes app or just spend a few minutes thinking through the following:

• What’s actually important to you, on a deep level
• How you want to show up as a mom
• Your needs as an individual, and getting them met
• Your triggers and drains, and depending on the circumstances, minimizing them, avoiding them, preparing for them, enduring them, and recovering from them
• What you want, especially how you want to feel; and doing the things that are likely to help you feel that way more of the time

And consider how the Thieves of Joy might show up and pull you away from enjoying your holiday.

This post was all about the thieves of joy. If this meant something to you, you might also like:

Making New Year's Resolutions Is Out, Habits Are In

Gratitude For Mothers: Ways to Feel Thankful & Show Appreciation



Mother's Day Devotion to Celebrate Yourself



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