The Case Against Optimizing Your Mom-Life

Jun 15, 2024

What if I told you that you could optimize your mom life by not optimizing your mom life? Here’s where Ready Set Moms comes in to help.

Optimize Your Mom-Life

At the time I’m writing this, we’re counting the weeks till school lets out. (Three! How did this happen? And I know for many of you school lets out much sooner than that!)

This spring has been AMAZING for me, and therefore also for my family life. Because that’s the way it works.

I’m in such a great groove with:

my workout schedule,
my friendships,
my community,
my work,
my client load
Even feeding my family feels easy right now
Somehow we’ve all stayed healthy through this wonky spring cold season (praise be)

The one thing that isn’t going so great is my record in Scrabble vs my husband so far this year (16 games to 18 — The competition is fierce)

Fierce Scrabble Competition

And Here Comes The Trepidation...

With how well everything is going, I have to admit I feel a bit, shall I say, trepidatious, about the end of the school year.

Even though I’m thrilled for everything summer promises:

dropping the early morning daily routine
time at the pool and by the rivers and hiking and biking and all things summery
the extended-family vacation to VA Beach and DC
time with my parents and sister’s family
3 weeks back home in Pennsylvania (it will always be “back home”)
Camps lined up for the kids when we’re here in Bend

Even though all of that, I know my current optimized mom-life is going to be disrupted.

Our culture (and by culture I mean what we see on social media, what we hear our kids' friends' families are up to, and what magazines/books/blogs/etc claim) is pretty obsessed with optimization and maximization.

PSST: PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST THIS WITH OUR MOTTO: Know yourself and know your kid

That pressure sounds like:

Plan the best summer ever! (Be sure to take plenty of pics and share on your Instagram stories or it doesn’t count)
Be sure you’re practicing gentle parenting. I mean attachment parenting. No, positive parenting. It’s conscious parenting we need.
Count your steps and your macros
Up your protein, especially in midlife
Track your sleep and limit your screen time for you and the kids
Tape on a glucose monitor

When your routine goes out the window...

But What Does All That Optimization Cost? And Is It Worth It?

To me the cost of optimization is vigilance and fixation, and those result in a lack of presence, peace, and pleasure.

Does this suggestion to let go of optimization sound ironic coming from me? Of course Ready Set Moms is here to help you put systems in place so you can stop losing your mind about school lunches, getting out the door, packing for a trip, or getting the laundry done. Isn't that optimization?

But What's Equally Important As The System, Or Maybe More Important, Is Your Mindset

Because your mindset:

Reminds you what's important and helps you stay aligned with your values
Reminds you what you and your family need to thrive
Gives you flexibility, patience, presence (mom guilt has no place here)
Gives you perspective and lets you know that this tantrum (theirs or yours) will pass
Allows you to have self-compassion (like not forgetting to fill up your own cup)
Helps you find another way when things don’t go to plan

And here’s the beautiful thing about developing your mindset — you don’t have to get it “right.” That’s the whole point. You can better navigate the hard things. When you develop your mindset:

You notice your thoughts and inner voices so you can work with them
You notice when something feels off so you can explore why and make different choices
You can unlock that elusive self-compassion which then unlocks peace and from that place you can think clearly and proceed with greater ease in alignment with your values

And THAT is why coaching with me is always a blend of mindset and skill set.

SO. Back to my trepidation about the school year coming to an end and losing this delicate balance.

Something I will do differently this summer is truly carve out time to focus, and for that to happen I’ll need to make a weekly schedule with my mom and husband and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I know feeling a sense of accomplishment is important to my sense of satisfaction. And the fact is, if I’m around, my kids magnetize to me. (And god bless them, please never stop!) BUT if I’m interrupted, it takes me a long time to get over my frustration and get back on track. So after eight years of experience and trying to focus with family around I’m going to do it this other way.

So I can protect focus time from my family AND protect family time from my frustration, which I won't be feeling.

Acceptance + logistics + mindset = my kind of optimization.

The only kind of mom-life optimization that matters to me is making sure our needs are getting met.

Feel me? Comment below and let me know!

Mom-Win: Optimize Your Mom-Life

Name one area in your own life that you’ve been trying to optimize, but you want to ease up on. Imagine yourself thinking, feeling, and acting with more ease, and imagine getting what you want anyway.

Ready Set Recap

Expect disruption to your daily routine
Embrace (and enjoy) the change
Develop your mindset - you don't always have to get it "right"
Implement and practice what makes you feel at ease

XOXO

Erika

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Whether you leave the house each day for work, work from home, or are a stay-at-home mom, you’re a working mom and your to-do list can often seem overwhelming. When that’s the case, optimization can seem like a far-fetched dream. I hope this post about optimizing your mom-life offers you some clarity, and helps you feel more prepared to embrace changes in your mom-life.

This blog post was all about optimizing your mom-life. If this resonated with you, consider if “optimization” is just perfectionism in disguise? These blog posts might be up your alley:

How To Let Go Of Perfectionism In Motherhood

4 Steps To Navigate Perfectionism In Motherhood - Because It's Not Helping

Want To Navigate Perfectionism In Motherhood? Here's How

If this post helps make your mom-life easier,

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