Give Yourself And Other Moms A Boost By Giving And Receiving Compliments

Give Yourself And Other Moms A Boost By Giving And Receiving Compliments

Jul 11, 2024

Giving And Receiving Compliments

Here’s how giving and receiving compliments can change your mom-life for the better. This post is especially for moms who’ve been feeling stuck in a rut, down in the dumps, or ready to scream when someone recommends gratitude journaling.

The truth about negativity bias

Did you know our brains are wired to latch on to negative events and disregard positive ones?

That’s why you still remember walking into the high school cafeteria with your skirt tucked up in your underwear but you don’t remember when your neighbor complimented the loving way you greeted your child at the school bus last week.

Our emotional response to negative events is much stronger than our response to positive events.

This negativity bias is your sweet brain’s way of trying to keep you safe. But it also keeps us on edge, keeping us vigilant for the next thing that's gonna get us. And as you may know from your own experience, it feeds negative emotions and low self-esteem.

So if we’re naturally wired to look for , remember, and defend against the negative, we need to be purposeful about letting in the good and doing things differently.

Outsmart negativity bias with some genuine positivity

What we’re not doing:

Ignoring our problems and hoping they’ll go away
Looking on the bright side and gaslighting ourselves that our struggles don’t matter
Counting our blessings because we don’t feel worthy of having a hard time, even though we are struggling

Here’s what we are doing:

Pointing our attention in a genuine (not sugar-coated) positive direction, because we know where our attention goes, so does our energy, and so do our actions, and so does our life. You know, the whole Two Wolves parable.

6 ways to tap into the life-giving power of giving and receiving compliments

Download this companion journal page here so you can do these exercises today! Right now!

(1) Feel appreciation

Appreciation is about enjoyment of our life, surroundings, and people.

Simply notice something in your physical space that delights you.
The smell of your warm coffee in your favorite cup.
The way the light shines through the branches of that tree outside your kitchen window.
The pleasant hello with the neighbor who walks his dog every morning.

(2) Feel gratitude

Striking a little deeper than appreciation, gratitude is about being thankful for benefits received.

I am grateful for this safe and secure house in this beautiful place.
I am grateful for my family members, that they’re healthy and we enjoy each other.
I am grateful that my kids like to cuddle up and read with me.

(3) Graciously Receive Compliments

Sincere compliments are a way of connecting. When someone gives you a personal compliment or offers positive feedback, they’re giving you the gift of their appreciation. It would be rude to deflect it! Instead, practice receiving compliments as a way to let yourself feel good, let the giver feel good, and even strengthen your connection.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? How did it make you feel?

I was out for a beer with my friend/our piano teacher this week, and she said, “You’re really great with your kids.” It was such a big compliment and so direct that part of me wanted to deflect it, saying “You catch us at good moments. You don’t get to hear me screaming….” Maybe she read that on my face, because she said it again. So I said, “Thank you. It really means a lot to hear that.” I let it in.

(4) Generously Give Compliments

I dole out a genuine compliment every chance I get. A great haircut. Gray hair worn with confidence. The barista’s latte art. A great smile, a great laugh, a great effort. A delicious meal. A fun party.

I once complimented a woman on her baby carrier on a Castro street corner, and she's now my best friend. Never underestimate the power of a sincere compliment.

Other things you can compliment people on:

Their hard work and a job well done
Something about their physical appearance that they themselves are proud of
Their laugh, the light in their eyes
How they connect with other people
A character trait you see in action, like truth-telling or courage
Their personal achievements
Their natural skills, like listening or empathy

(5) Compliment yourself

If you’re feeling unappreciated, one thing to check on is if you appreciate yourself and your efforts. All the ways you’ve grown. All that you do. And more important but less quantifiable, all that you are.

When we sit down to dinner, I often say something nice about the food I’m putting on the table.
When I feel steady and calm in a situation in which I used to lose my shit, that’s worth noting, sometimes aloud.
When I get into bed and breathe in the fresh sheets I changed earlier that day, I thank myself for that simple effort.

Which brings us back to appreciation, that crisp cool pillowcase.

And gratitude, this safe and secure home.

Other things you can compliment or appreciate yourself for:

Being a reliable family member
The kind words you said to someone else to make them smile
Your physical appearance
Your hard work
Your growth
Your ever-evolving parenting skills

(6) Ask for signs of appreciation

If you feel your family takes you for granted, it’s time to ask for the appreciation you deserve and desire. The practices of feeling appreciation, feeling grateful, giving and receiving compliments, and complimenting yourself has primed you to ask your partner or your children to show their appreciation for you. And now you can do it gently, from the heart, without any sense of insecurity or feeling needy. You know you deserve appreciation.

Mom-win: Gratitude Journaling, But Make It Work

The next time you could benefit from a boost of positivity reach for this exercise. Or make it a regularly scheduled self-care practice. It can support you daily, weekly, monthly, or seasonally Let it be easy. Let it feel good.

In your free download, or in your own journal, notes app, or simply in your head, make note of:

3 things you appreciate
3 things you’re grateful for
1 compliment you've received recently (or catch the next compliment you're given)
1 compliment you’ve given recently
1 compliment to yourself for something you do
1 compliment to yourself for a way that you are

By actively acknowledging positive events and messages — and savoring them — you get to enjoy that moment in the moment, you set your disposition to seek and find these good things as you move through your days, and you give yourself the chance to create positive memories.

Ready Set Recap

Negativity bias is trying to help you. But you can outsmart this primitive brain setting with GENUINE positivity
Appreciation is about noticing things and enjoying our life, surroundings, and people
Gratitude strikes a little deeper than appreciation, and is the practice of feeling thankful for benefits received
Sincere compliments are a way of connecting and can be mutually beneficial to the giver and receiver
Complimenting yourself is a way to appreciate all that you are and all that you do for your family
Asking for signs of appreciation is totally valid. You deserve to get this desire met

I'm glad you're here, and I'm glad you're you.

XOXO

Erika

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